I just hit submit on an airline ticket to New Hampshire for a conference. The event will actually kick off a week-long family vacation on the east coast, but not until I’ve flown out there and attended the conference for a few days first. But I’m so conflicted about how I feel about this flight. Normally I hate flying, and I’ll probably have a few drinks before boarding this one, but the idea of three-and-a-half hours of uninterrupted reading time, well, let’s just say it’s easing the jitters.
I guess I know I’m a parent now. As if giving birth wasn’t signal enough, I’m so tired and busy and everything else that more than three hours in a tin can flying over the big, hard Earth, a trip that usually makes me cry, is slightly appealing. I want quiet. I want to read. I want to travel without worrying about anyone else. Maybe I’ll be able to sleep! Maybe I’ll be able to listen to adult music (as opposed to the Disney collection) on my iPod! Maybe I’ll be able to go to the bathroom without it taking 20 minutes with my daughter who insists on asking questions about everything in each stall. Maybe. Or maybe my tune will change.
I’m sure the night before the trip, I’ll be a basketcase. What if it crashes? What if I’m delayed and miss my first meeting? What if I sit next to someone who vomits on plans? What if I can’t stop talking (I do that when I’m nervous)? What if I take a few of those special little pills that I often take to fly and I completely pass out and my head falls on the person next to me? Oh, no–what if I’m in the middle of the row?
But the good news is that once I get there, I have one meeting that afternoon and then I can relax. I can read, I can write, I can watch something other than Dora at 7 p.m. I can eat when I want, take a shower without making sure someone else is in charge of the kids and I can take up the entire bed.
But you know that means I’ll spend the evening watching shameless TV, eating junk from the vending machine and checking in with my husband on my children. I’ll sleep like crap because the air will be too dry, I’ll wake up at every foreign noise and I’ll hate being in a bed alone.
Yup, that all sounds about right.